When I was younger, my wife often told me I was a care bear, or, like the French would say, a “bisounours,” referring to the famous greeting cards, plush teddy bears, and then television series of the eighties!
In other words, I was naive, and my blissful optimism nourished my idealized vision of the world.
I had imagined a world in harmony, where we could peacefully nip potential disagreements in the bud with the right mix of empathy and rationality.
What a dreamer!
As I progressed, I faced a much harsher reality: even the slightest disagreements would turn into fights, controversies, and frustration.
I was very uneasy with these conflicts. So, I chose my battles and usually avoided tough conversations.
It was before I got to work for Johnny. Johnny was an exceptional leader who knew how to nurture everyone’s potential and help eliminate obstacles.
In my case, Johnny immediately spotted the weak link: I was a creative strategic thinker. I knew how to convince reasonable people, but I struggled whenever I faced more critical minds whose sole goal, it seemed, was to torpedo my plans.
I was both too soft and too obtuse, and idea-sharing soon turned into arguments and polarized views on right or wrong, leading to a total shutdown or me just giving up.
Patiently, Johnny taught me how to get better outcomes for the benefit of all. Here are three things that stood out to me:
Show Some R.E.S.P.E.C.T.
I used to be upset when people retreated quickly to defensive behaviors. I experienced this a lot in business discussions, where it seemed like others only wanted to protect their territory and privileges. My change-infused proposals often provoked visceral reactions.
Johnny reminded me that I must first assume the other people are not big fat liars trying to protect their turf. I had to respect their views and listen intently to what they had to say to understand better where their opinions, values, and principles originated.
Think Like a Builder
I can’t recall a new project that didn’t face objections, even more so the most ambitious ones. Before knowing Johnny, I had the disastrous tendency to let views polarize, and soon enough, we ended up with a winner-vs.-loser mindset and got stuck. But it didn’t have to be that way.
Johnny taught me to welcome objections and constructively cast them, using opposition to build deeper, broader, and more robust insights. It took effort and compromise, but the outcome was always more substantial than my initial idea. I learned to move away from a “zero-sum game” position that would have led to blockage.
Bring others along
Lastly, I wasn’t very inclusive in selling my ideas, either. After working hard to prepare a project, I convinced myself that this was like Einstein’s genius. I would turn on the monologue, politely but firmly going my own way.
Johnny helped me become more inclusive and practice more back-and-forth, not only with the skeptics but also with the promoters of my original ideas. I learned to bring them all along for the ride and ensure that everyone would get to contribute to the discussion.
In today’s polarized world, Johnny’s lessons stand out more than ever, and I’m glad to say it’s been a long time since my wife last called me a “bisounours”!
Don’t get me wrong, it took me years to practice and become a decent “builder” or negotiator.
It’s all in the mindset. If you show a minimum of respect and are willing to truly listen to what others have to say, your journey will go farther, and you’ll be in great company!