It was a few years ago. After a horrible day at work, I returned home, deeply concerned about our team’s state and future.
The latent conflict that had opposed my head of product to the VP of sales for a while was now exposed in daylight and reached a breaking point.
F-words had been profusely used during the day, tension was at its maximum, and it was unclear whether these two individuals would ever talk to each other again.
For a while, the product team had been downplaying the requests from our sales team to incorporate specific features and adjust our pricing actions so that they could more easily hit their short-term targets.
There was concern that such actions would endanger our premium brand and impact our longer-term business.
Classic sales and product team tension, shall you say!
Correct.
But this time, a series of actions and behaviors exacerbated the situation and hindered our chances of resolving it.
First, they both did their “best” to ignore the rising conflict in the first place. Yet, avoiding or pretending that the conflict does not exist will not make it go away. Call it misplaced pride or gambling. The result was pent-up frustration and resentment.
Soon enough, both the VP of sales and the head of product started to react impulsively: Emotional reactions, open anger, and exacerbated claims on the business consequences only escalated the tension. They had grown miles apart in their understanding of the situation. Feelings were hurt, and the relationship was damaged.
The end of the quarter was near, and the whole situation had turned into blame and finger-pointing. Both indirectly through the spread of rumors and more directly using personal attacks. They both worked hard invalidating the other party’s perspectives, dismissing each other’s feelings and thoughts.
I knew I should have intervened sooner.
Was it too late now to help everyone be heard and act in the best interest of our business, both short and long-term?
Unfortunately, that quarter was dead, and we missed our numbers.
But it was now time to ensure such a disaster wouldn’t happen again and that we’d restore trust and alignment.
After a few days of reflecting on the situation and getting some outside perspective, I went into decisively unlocking that situation and have everyone back on track.
It was a delicate situation for me as a leader. I didn’t want to impose a specific way of sorting this out and mostly wanted to avoid solving it for them. It was their conflict to own, and I focused on coaching them so that they find a way out of it that would benefit the overall business.
Here’s what I focused on:
#1 – I created a safe space for each of them to communicate openly and honestly. The three of us took part in hours-long clarifying conversations where I helped them express their thoughts and feelings while having them actively listening to the other party’s perspective without attacking or blaming. Instead of obsessing over past mistakes or assigning blame, the focus was on the present and the future.
#2 – As they progressed on active listening, I then asked each of them to dig into understanding the underlying needs and motivations of the other party. In other words, I encouraged them to practice rational compassion so they could start to grasp how the other one envisioned success and could create opportunities for compromise.
#3 – With a few more “therapeutic” sessions in our bag, the two of them started to work together to identify shared goals and areas of agreement, brainstorming solutions that would address the immediate and longer term. I’d often ask them about the likely consequences of their ideas in six weeks, six months, or even six years. It helped them form a stronger sense of ownership of that mutual plan.
#4 – It took patience and my intervention to help regulate raw emotions. During our first sessions, frequent breaks were necessary for my two fellows to cool down and regain perspective. My “neutrality” and interest in the greater good provided an objective perspective. It guided the process toward a mutually acceptable resolution.
Success wasn’t evident yet by the end of the next quarter. Still, both had flexed a muscle that would soon transform their relationship and the future performance of our business unit.
Creating the right conditions for a renewed dialog between my VP of sales and my Head of Product helped them embrace a constructive mindset that prioritized understanding, collaboration, and shared resolution.
It took some time, flexibility on everyone’s part, and sheer willingness to find common ground.
But, the results were well worth it. If I had to do it all again, I would coach the team right from the start on conflict resolution, not waiting for a major misalignment to emerge.