If you haven’t seen the movie “Yes Man,” let me tell you, it’s been my absolute favorite for years. This comedy film stars Jim Carrey as a pessimistic and socially withdrawn man, Carl Allen.
One day, he attends a self-help seminar that encourages him to say “yes” to every opportunity that comes his way. Carl embraces this new philosophy, and his life takes an unexpected turn leading to hilarious and transformative situations.
But, as he becomes entangled in a web of commitments, Carl realizes he has to balance embracing positivity and discerning the value of saying “no” if he wants to maintain genuine connections and find happiness.
Like Carl, I used to be someone who said yes to everything. It helped me build a reputation as a highly collaborative person. Still, I soon found myself overworked and overwhelmed by too many commitments.
I knew I had to make a change and learn to say no.
It wasn’t an easy journey.
Luckily, I discovered the art of saying no and learned it doesn’t have to be an absolute rejection. Yes and no exist on a spectrum, and the best no leaves the asker feeling like they’ve received a thoughtful response.
Here are three approaches that helped me more specifically:
The “Why” technique
I found it particularly effective. By asking open-ended questions and understanding the reasons behind the request, I could often find common ground and alternative solutions.
For instance, my product team once asked for control of the product marketing budgets. Through conversations, I realized their concerns stemmed from a lack of transparency, so we decided to involve them in the budget planning process, building trust and resolving the issue. I never got that ask again.
The “Get-Your-Act-Together” Request
That’s another powerful one. Instead of rejecting wild ideas outright, I encouraged our most creative teams to provide a well-thought-out concept and essential details. For a product team, that meant a well-thought concept with a skeleton of PRD (Product Requirements Document), market data, and P&L fundamentals.
Sometimes, we’d end up moving ahead with the project. More often, we’d collectively realize we were not set for success. Most importantly, it allowed us to explore exciting ideas within the boundaries of constructive discussions about project feasibility and success criteria.
The Priority Scheme
We live in a world of constraints. Whatever new project you launch must be prioritized against time, budget, and resources available. It’s not necessarily a zero-sum game (you can always fight for more). But I’ve learned how critical it is to establish clear prioritization criteria that everyone in the team understands.
Establishing clear prioritization criteria aligned with the company’s business goals even helped me manage impromptu asks from senior executives. We could explain why certain of their ideas ranked lower based on our well-defined priorities. It helped build trust within the team. Senior executives still could overwrite us, but not without damaging their credibility.
Of course, there are times when saying no upfront is unavoidable. Yet, thoughtfully communicating your “Why“, i.e. the reasoning behind the decision, is vital. Most people will respect your choice, and the conversation might lead to productive alternative solutions.
So, keep practicing these techniques, and I trust your ability to say no confidently will make you a stronger leader. Good luck on your journey to mastering the art of saying no!