Boys Don’t Cry… Should Leaders Share Their Vulnerability?

1-min. read

These days of invasion and war in Ukraine are a somber reminder of the devastating poker games some “leaders” are playing, trying to never show any vulnerability.

 Let me choose a slightly more distant event to illustrate the point:

Fifty years ago, in February 1972, U.S. President Richard Nixon undertook his historic trip to China. 

The two countries had cut diplomatic ties for more than twenty years. The goal was to kickstart a normalization of their relationship. 

He met a 79-year-old Mao Zedong, already quite ill, with just a few more years to live. The official picture of the encounter is on the right. It depicts two strong leaders showing both determination and an openness to dialog.

Billions of people have seen it! 

The reality was quite different, however. The original picture on the left shows a frail Mao, who cannot stand up on his legs without the assistance of medical personnel.

The Chinese authorities did what many leaders believe is the right thing to do: demonstrate strength to instill confidence. Never show how vulnerable you might be. 

Therefore, “Pre-Photoshop-Era” artists edited the photo and removed the young lady.

I’ve been there too. 

I grew up in France during the same seventies. From a very young age, boys – and girls learned to handle life’s toughness without showing vulnerability. Being thick-skinned was seen as a sign of strength.

Half a century later, I still see many leaders are hesitant to show any of their vulnerabilities. They fear their teams will lose confidence or inspiration if they’re not pursuing perfection.

These leaders couldn’t be farther from the truth. 

If they accepted to open up just a little, they would increase their chances of being perceived as authentic and bringing meaning to what their teams are working on.

A dear German friend introduced me to the work of one of the best experts in the field, Brené Brown. She goes even further and associates vulnerability with courage and therefore the ability to lead.

Brené Brown recognizes that vulnerability can be pretty uncomfortable, and it takes much courage to expose yourself. Still, leaders need to “create a culture where discomfort is normal.” When things become edgy, you’re doing what you need to be doing.

Showing vulnerability is first about investigating and accepting imperfection. You’re willing to own your mistakes and ready to handle criticism. You’re also refusing the conformity that still prevails in the workplace.

As such, when you’re willing to show vulnerability, failure becomes an option. With it, you are opening the door to innovation and outstanding outcomes.

No leader is perfect. Have the courage to admit it, and you’ll be on your path to great accomplishments.

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